David Beckham: his life, times, right foot & torso

Beckham: part of the body of work

The British edition of Esquire magazine has just celebrated its 25th birthday, and may it see many more. It's a lovely publication to write for, and I am proud to be associated with it. For its special anniversary issue Esquire commissioned 25 portraits of British men who have been especially influential in the public life and culture of the nation across those two-and-a-half decades. The whole exercise will repay your time but I recommend especially the issue's centre-piece, a long interview with Tony Blair by Esquire editor Alex Bilmes.

My brief was to write on David Beckham, who has certainly, in a cultural sense, bestrode the times through which he's lived. The full piece is online here. I describe him as 'the world's foremost metrosexual' whose 'great fame really has less to do with football than any famous footballer you could name.' Possibly these thoughts have occurred to you, too?

On a footballing level, though, I would draw attention to my brief but pointed analysis of the key items in Beckham's his portfolio of skills; and my assessment of his performances in major tournaments for the national side, a matter on which his diehard admirers seem rarely to want to consider the full evidence.

World Cup 2010: The cream also rises

This World Cup is getting good, people. Argentina were admirably patient tonight in their disposal of Greece, inspired by their entirely-correctly-rated talisman, whom the coach properly kept in the starting XI ("I think it would be a sin", Maradona told the press, "not to give Messi to the people, to the team...") Brazil and Portugal showed their essential beauty to best advantage the other day. Holland are safely through and capable of better. I keep everything crossed for Germany and for Spain. Right then, who’s left…?

Sean Whelan, blogging from the World Cup for NUFC site True Faith, is presumably one Mag who’s shouting for The Ingerland, if we judge by the ‘we’ in his screed below. But on that basis his opinion of David Beckham’s presence on the England bench can be taken as less one-eyed, or more rounded, than mine (which is that Beckham is, quite clearly, one of the most disastrous liabilities ever to appear for England at (5!) major finals.) But forget me - come in, Sean:

‘David Beckham is p***ing me off. The players must be getting annoyed with him. If you’re not playing well, you don't need that self-obsessed whopper moaning on the bench. He's only there for his own benefit, he needs to be seen at the World Cup to promote the Beckham brand. He's a footballer, not a chief executive, so why wear a three-piece suit? Hair immaculate, the bloke's a w***er. He stopped being a serious footballer when he left Man Utd 6/7 years ago to become a bit part player at Madrid. As for going to America, well, it's a joke. He should be doing what Paul Scholes and Ryan Giggs are doing at Man Utd. Scholes shows Beckham up for what he is; a flash c*** - more concerned with fame and fortune than football. I wish we had a Roy Keane in the squad just to grab that perma-tanned phoney by the throat and tell him how it is...’

David Beckham: Reassuringly Ridiculous

David Beckham has done majestically well in life for a not-so-bright lad who's very good at football, or certainly at taking free-kicks. His ardent fans are legion, and many of them read in him qualities and attributes far beyond that straightforward dead-ball expertise. Give a man a reputation as an early riser and thereafter he may forever sleep 'til noon. England fans, always a curious bunch, have forgiven him some stunningly undignified, inadequate, showboating performances in the finals of international contests. I seem to remember one self-styled tough-nut sports writer of an English broadsheet chiding Beckham's critics for jealousy, even hailing Becks as the best of men, a 'model husband and father' - this not long before the news broke that he'd been diddling his kids' nanny.
I'm trusting, though, that no-one has even seriously believed that Beckham is a worky ticket, a hard man, a chap with whom one would fear a physical confrontation. I'm not dismissing his claims here just on the basis of all that posing in little pants for Armani. I'm talking Dave Mackay, Tommy Smith, Stuart Pearce, Alan Shearer, even Eric Cantona - that's hard. When Cantona decided to call out a (rival team's) fan who was (snidely) goading him from the stands, we all remember what happened, yes? Whether we condone it or not...
So the helping hand of spin that still attends Beckham's every move was clear in the press coverage of his contemptible response to the (rightly) protesting fans (of his own team) at the LA Galaxy game. Coos the Press Association, "The former England captain attempted to jump over a barrier as he left the field at half-time to remonstrate with a section of the crowd that had been jeering him. He was held back by security staff, members of whom were also needed to restrain an angry fan who left his seat and rushed towards the footballer."
Oh yeah, right. He was like an effing panther trying to leap that barrier, before, strangely enough, finding three dozen burly blokes at his back, ready to help him out with one irate Hispanic guy. 'Hold me back, lads, or else I'll kill him...'